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You’re too close man! You’re too close!

I know I’m late to the party like I’m Bowser in Mario Party 3, so it may not seem like I have anything new or unique to say about this particular topic, but I’d still like to give my thoughts on it anyway. I have a feeling most people know a “nice guy”, you know, those guys who generalize women purporting that they only date assholes or thugs, I’ll go into that later, but all I want to say right now is those kind of guys are plagued with what those of us who aren’t bitches call “Nice guy syndrome”. What is the nice guy syndrome you might ask? According to urbandictionary.com it is defined as such

“A annoying mental condition in which a heterosexual man concocts over simplified ideas why women aren’t flocking to him in droves. Typically this male will whine and complain about how women never want to date them because he is “too nice” or that he is average in appearance. He often targets a woman who is already in a relationship; misrepresenting his intentions of wanting to be her friend and having the expectation that he is owed more than friendship because he is such a good listener. He is prone to brooding over this and passive aggressive behavior.

He is too stupid to realize the reason women don’t find him attractive is because he feels sorry for himself, he concludes that women like to be treated like shit”.

Uhm, that doesn’t sound very nice to me. What I dislike about “nice guys” is their implication that women who don’t pursue them romantically are bitches, whores, sluts, ugly or don’t have the mental capacity to find a suitable partner for themselves. Ah yes, if only these guys hadn’t been so “nice” and such a “good friend” to her. Only then would she have gotten with them. They were totally boyfriend material at first, but then their kind, compassion and friendliness completely ruined their chances! Yes, they were just “friend zoned.” Oh, that’s actually the cream of the crop. The friend zone. It’s one of the stupidest terms I’ve ever heard (up there with social justice warrior or SJW for short). I wondered where the term came from and it was actually coined by the popular sitcom Friends in the episode “The One with the Blackout” where Joey refers to Ross as the “mayor of the friend zone”. Since then it has evolved into a term for unrequited sexual interest and generated an innumerable amount of memes and even a Chris Rock standupNow I’m going to give my definition of the friend zone… The friend zone is an unimaginative, lazy, bullshit, misogynistic, make-believe land which has as much evidence of being true as the Green Hill Zone. “Nice guys” utilize this term to demonize women for not wanting to date them. They use it as a crutch to ignore the fact that there are ACTUAL REASONS behind a woman’s decision to not pursue a relationship and/or have sex with this guy. One example would be not being physically attracted to them (if they’re more of the shallow type). Or not being able to connect with them on an intellectual level. Or maybe, just maybe seeing through their bull and realizing that the only reason these guys are even friends with them in the first place is so they can fuck them.

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Fun level by the way.

Goodness gracious, these two concepts are the silliest things! Another point, “nice guys” aren’t actually nice. Okay, in their (delusional) mind they are too much of a genuinely kind, caring person who was always by her side and listened to whatever she had to say and was too respectful for these damn bitches to be able to appreciate. But that’s another issue, I’ve seen posts on Facebook when I had an account and heard guys use misogynistic terms to describe women who have “friend zoned” them. But it gets even better because this shows he has become what my brother would call a “bitternigger” and wallows in self-pity, coming to the conclusion that women must prefer to be treated like horse chips. He is the “victim” who is constantly preyed upon by women who are sadistic with him like they’re Esdeath-sama, yet somehow take a 180 masochistic turn when it comes to other men. I’m sure others know guys who suffer from this terrible syndrome. Probably far too many. Guess what? If she actually only liked assholes, then she would likely be highly attracted to you because you are one, douche.

Seriously. Is it really that unbearable to be friends with a person? You have a NEW friend! Not everyone can say they have friends so you should be thankful and celebrating the fact this woman wants to be friends with you. Women don’t only exist to date and/or have sex with people. This doesn’t make them bitches, it makes them human.

It shouldn’t have to come down to something so simpleminded. I always thought the friend zone was bullshit and I still do, but I thought I found an anomaly in the form of one of my friends who is madly in love with another friend of mine. But my brother recently made it quite clear to me it is not the case. You see, my friend has been in love with this particular young lady for a long time and I can imagine he would do anything to be with her. However, for whatever reason, she doesn’t see him as a romantic partner. The reason this isn’t a case of the friend zone according to my brother is because he actually CARES about her and therefore is actually her friend no matter what happens. Yes, I have a feeling if she was to ask him out he would jump at the chance, but at the end of the day he loves and cares about her as a friend. I guess this is another reason I consider my brother to be one of two of my intellectual superiors lol.

I know I’ve done a good amount of complaining and conveyed my vexation, but I need to flip the coin. I am in no way trying to portray women as innocent angels. Some women are thots and lead men on and use them in order to get attention. BOlieve me, I’ll make sure to blast women too. But that’s another topic for another time y’know.

When it all comes down to it, the “friend zone” and “nice guys” need to die. They most likely deserve a slow and painful death, but I’d prefer them to get executed with a guillotine so we can get rid of them faster. My last message to all the “nice guys” out there: if you call a woman a bitch, a thot, a whore, stupid, ugly or whatever other insult you can think of because she doesn’t want to be your girlfriend or have sex with you, you are NOT nice. If you’re only nice to a woman because you want to be with her, you are NOT nice. And if you bitch about constantly being “friend zoned”, it’s most likely because you are NOT nice. Try this instead, when you meet a nice gal and you’re attracted to her, approach her and express that you’re into her in a simple and direct way. If she turns you down, move on with your life. Can the two of you become friends? Of course! You may not be bffs, but you want to know why it doesn’t matter? Because there’s no point dwelling on it. If a girl doesn’t like you, she doesn’t like you. For the love of Washu-kami-sama, stop wasting your energy pursuing someone who doesn’t like you when there could be someone else out there who does. Grow a pair.

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